You can’t love someone into treating you better. They need to decide that treating better is something that’s worth it for them. There’s no way that you can keep treating someone better and better if they’re treating me worse and worse and you expect them to change. Why would they change if they have absolutely no incentive to.
I’m too nice, what should I do?
Your morals can cause you trouble if you always want to treat other people well and other people are treating you badly in return. You will keep treating his other people while and hoping and expecting from them same thing. The same thing being honesty, respect, caring, mutual appreciation and so many more things that might be common sense for you.
What you need to remember about commonsense, is the commonsense is called common for a reason. It is common sense to every individual that most individuals retain the same set of logical and easily understood values. Unfortunately this is not the case, regardless of what anyone says to you, or has said about themselves. You cannot assume everyone is being honest, that people say what they mean, and tell you the truth.
The golden rule might not be complex enough for our current day situation. If you give someone an amount of gold for the golden rule for what they’ve given you, and they take that gold and they spend it on heroin or they start betting in elaborate dogfights which is causing harm to animals. It might be better to not handover your gold that individual even if they have an extraordinarily absurd amount of things which you enjoy if they are overal causing great harm it might be best for you to discontinue your kind behaviors.
Basically what I’m saying is the golden rule does not apply when you were enabling people to hurt you or others. You may always want to be there for someone, or you may always want to respond their messages, and you may always want them to know that you care but if they don’t treat you in the exact same way you were teaching them that you don’t deserve to be treated well.
“Why am I not good enough?”
“Am I too ugly? too fat? Too stupid? Too *insert trait here”
It’s hard to not ask questions about the personal responsibility in the situation, or what your own role is in their misbehavior, you have to ask yourself “why does this person act this way?”
You must analyze the situation from a third party perspective. Imagine if your brother, mother, friend or stranger was in the same situation? Remove yourself from the situation and ask yourself what advice you would give another who is in your shoes. Break things down to the basics. Look at things and try and take things less personally.
This can be a very daunting task, to put yourself in an external perspective, but the insight it might provide could be incredible useful.
This is why many people get utterly confused and interactions with other human beings that can become extensively complicated. people are presented with a moral battle inbetween a way in which they feel is right for themselves, a way in which will get them treated well, or in a way that is expected by them in their society. Every experience is a constant battle in deciding which part of yourself you should comply with, the part of yourself which wants to please others, the part of yourself which is being urged by your emotional desires, the intellectual and logical part of yourself, or the part of yourself which wants to comply to societies rules. Of course the parts of yourself which are either agree or disagree with your given situation are going to be dependent on who you are individually and your own personal life experiences emotions and thoughts. These things all coming to play and every single decision that you make believe it or not.
This is why it’s important to realize that not all people think like you do. Your thoughts and your emotions and your feelings are individual to you.
If you tell somebody that you are experiencing or are feeling something and they ignore it and focus on their feelings and they immediately make it about them. Then you switch the focus of them completely, and they do this over and over again how are you ever supposed to talk about your feelings? If you live by your values and always need to meet other people’s needs when they arise?
This is what it means to set boundaries, If someone keeps abusing you again and again and again it doesn’t mean that you should do something to hurt them or somethig that is a immoral even if they’re doing immoral acts to you. Not enabling might mean saying no, not answering that phone call or not giving into demands that you really want to meet.
Enabling is an important word. Enabling a bad person can make them worse. Behavior builds on itself and if someone is treating you badly and you let them. You are teaching them to build neural paths, rewarding for the negative behavior. Ignore this, and this individual will end up abusing others in the future the exact same way that they have abused you. You are setting someone else who was also good-natured and understanding to get taken advantage of by somebody who will take them for granted.
You are also not doing the service to the person who’s being abusive, you were letting them treat you an abusive way which is teaching them that using others will reward them.
Set boundaries, being too nice could actually be mean to the wrong person.