“Is it because you have a history of being cheated on? There’s an expression: “What I fear, I create.” Are you testing your partner until he just finally fails? If you fear that somebody is going to cheat on you, you may just push him to a point where someone else may grab his attention. Imagine if someone else treated your partner with dignity and respect, didn’t challenge his integrity every minute of every hour, but was in fact accepting and peaceful and harmonious. These are things that really matter. You need to worry about what you’re creating. Ask yourself: Are you responsible for the previous relationships in which you were betrayed? Did you run those previous partners off with your jealous behavior?”
Easier said than done, but stop comparing yourself to others
Some (not all) jealousy is driven by low self-esteem. “How could they love me? I don’t understand how someone like them could be attracted to someone like me!” We none of us are supposed to understand exactly why someone loves us. Does the Mona Lisa painting know why it is so valuable? Of course, you may be able to appreciate attractive qualities in yourself, but consider this:
There are better looking, richer, funnier, smarter, younger people around than just about all of us, but these are qualities of a ‘product’. If he or she loves you, it will be because of an extra, indefinable quality you have that they couldn’t even explain – some deep part of your humanity they connected to which transcends looks, youth, wealth, and so forth. Some of the most loved people in history have been well down the list when it comes to looks or wealth. Stop trying to ‘work out’ why they can possibly like you.
If you’re in a secure and solid relationship, and you’re still feeling jealous, look at yourself and explore your own experiences.
“Research on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship indicates that a person’s basic attachment style underlies their tendencies towards jealous reactions,” Morelli said.