Dealing With Ourselves When We’re Upset
Sometimes, we may tend to get upset, rude, angry or unreasonable for a dense variety of reasons. In some cases, or all, you may have taught yourself that this behavior is ok. Sometimes you may reflect on this behavior as a negative and criticize each word said and identify your manner. How you chose to respond can make a world of difference between a person who feels satisfied with the way you have handled yourself during situations where negative feelings occur and a person who never wants to see or “deal” with you again.
When we get upset and angry our levels of consciousness decrease rapidly, and in my personal experience “dumb down” our overall mental capacity from hero to zero. A great example of this mental decline would be the default story of a superhero. When the superhero integrates into society they lose their super powers by believing the power is not the way society views things as “normal”. Our superhero essentially “dumbs down” and loses their super power and tends to live a normal life comfortably cuddled into society. The super hero integrated still works hard for their society beliefs, does what’s best for their communities, and typically doesn’t have many friends. Let’s be honest, you don’t see many comics about the super hero’s integrated alter ego.
Being angry, upset, rude, unreasonable, all fall into deep patterns of verbal abuse that the abuser may or may not be able to identify, and eventually the abuser becomes a victim in their own mind and completely flips the situation on the victim. This abusive tactic typically makes the abused believe they are the one who is in the wrong. In most cases of verbal abuse situations, the abuser may get completely comfortable with their verbal patters that the abuser needs a new “high”, and begins abusing physically. The cycle of abuse is a very powerful evil that will continue happening until the abuser is confronted with their behavior by an equal force, basically being told that they’re being abusive. The abuser must be placed in the spotlight for them to realize this type of behavior is not appropriate and destructive to themselves, and their peers.
Here are some tips for dealing with situations when you’re angry or upset and handling these situations to everyone’s satisfaction. Thinking a little differently will assist with your positive mental well-being along with everyone you’re associated with:
- Remain calm: When a person becomes upset about a situation, or even just wants to talk about a problem, there is nothing to be gained by responding in an upset manner. If you become upset and angry the situation will probably escalate out of control and usually become counterproductive to your overall conversation goal. It is imperative that you maintain control of yourself, your emotions and remain calm. Even if the events of the conversation make you feel uncomfortable, or even upset. Your first step towards handling these situations is to remain calm and critically think about the negative events taking place during the interaction. How can you change this negative into a positive while keeping control of the interaction? Implement the positive logic of your analyzed data to the situation.
- Listen like a fox: When a situation arises when the other person is angry or upset, the first thing the upset person wants to do is vent and verbalize their complaints and feelings. For this person they’ll definitely need at least one thing, a person to actually listens to what they’re saying. No matter how much you’re against it. You are that person who will be taking the situation by the leash and listening with care and respect. Listening can typically defuse a situation, as long as the person feels acknowledged to their issues. When the person is finished talking, go ahead summarize what you’ve heard and ask any questions to further clarify their issues. Your body language is extremely important in these situations. Always keep solid eye contact. Stand or sit up straight, never slouch, give undivided attention and respect. At all times keep your arms uncrossed, and show how closely you’re paying attention to their problem.
- Don’t take it personally: Always keep in mind that the person may or may not be upset directly with you. They may be upset with your behavior or words that led you to be in the negative situation. The person is simply letting you know the way they feel about you and the way you’ve handled yourself. Your personal feelings are beside the point when these feelings form and you have no one to blame but yourself when it comes to these negative impact situations. You are in full control of the way you think and feel, internally and externally. You have no right to take things personally. If you feel this is a right you’ll decline to lower levels of consciousness immediately.
- Actively empathize: After the negative interaction, the person you’ve been talking with will want to know if you’ve been listening and also want to verify you fully understand the feelings that have been extroverted to you during the conversation. Express empathy for their discomfort and ensure they’re fully aware you understand the full nature of the situation at hand. Respect and understanding go a long way towards recovering from a stressful or negative situation.
- Be Apologetic: It is not relevant if the person’s complaints and judgments are a factor to you. If you want the person to remain an acquaintance or friend a simple heartfelt apology is all you’ll need to accomplish, from here staying on track for friendship recovery should be easier for all parties involved. Ensure the person that you have been able to analyze the situation with logic and understanding: “I’m sorry I’ve upset you, I can see how my behavior could impact this situation in a negative manner.”
- Find a solution: Once you and the people involved understand that you have identified your issues, offer some solutions. Ask what they think the outcome of the situation should be, even implement your own solutions into the resolution. You should have thought of a few solutions by now with your forward thinking. Extrovert this thinking into the solution because in most negative situations the person involved is simply looking for the resolution to the issue. Providing different solutions will verify your listening and understanding, and may also result in satisfaction and resolution to the issue from everyone involved.