Category Archives: Codependence

One reason people love narcissists who lie, abuse, don’t love them back or treat them well!

One reason people love narcissists who lie, abuse, don’t love them back or treat them well! is a personal flaw. Deeo down people who love those capable of loving them back believe the very best in others. They can not accept that there is an individual who exists who is actually that hollow, that empty and that uncaring. They believe the words instead of the actions. Often from a deep seated desire and want to be consistent, loving and have the same trust, self respect and loyalty that they provide others. Especially their NPD (narcissistic), borderline or abusive spouse.

The fear KARMA in a sense, that if they don’t love others unconditionally that they may not get this type of love back which is, to them, the only love. Loving with no boundaries, always being there for your partner. Unfortunately the victim of the NPD and abusive behavior, lies, manipulation, stealing, etc is often already living in personal hell… as they are participating in a relationship with someone incapable or not willing to love them back.

They may feel they are not loved “anymore” which in a sense is true. Once the individual who is treating you in this horrible and abusive fashion hooked you, they became completely disinterested.

Sad but true. Thoughts?

How Resorting to Emotional Manipulation Backfires

An eye for an eye. This is a very common expression and it is true that we do seek balance in our lives. Without evolution and personal development it is often our gut reaction to seek vengeance on those who have wronged us. Unfortunately this is something that often has a greater toll on our psyche than that of who we were trying to exact revenge!

When we tell ourselves that we will feel better when another person does a specific task, or says a certain thing we are giving that person power over our wellbeing and overall mental functioning.

For example; “I will just sit here and cry until Jim realizes just how sad I am!” It is very hard to pretend to be sad, or show your emotion of sadness externally without actually becoming very sad, even sadder than you were before, which can easily spiral into a deep depression. Remember, when you manipulate others with your emotion it is very hard to not be manipulated yourself.

It is hard not to fall victim to this type of behavior because it works! This can be very hard to do, especially because since birth we are taught that we cry and show our displeasure that we are picked up, cuddled, fed and loved. While it might bring you some temporary reprieve it will breed further resent in the person who has wronged you and completely mess up your internal sense of peace and wellbeing.

We can not perform at our best, or live our lives in a way that we deserve when we are overcome with negative emotion. While suffering is a necessary part of life, there is no need to will ourselves to suffer by allowing others exert control over our emotions and ultimately our destiny.

With depression your self esteem becomes destroyed, it becomes very impossible to be successful at everyday tasks. It is unlikely to be a highly evolved being and exist in pathetic cycles of emotional manipulation. It is playing these games that you can lose your very essence that makes you worthy of the adoration you so deeply desire!

If you were instead to simply choose not be affected by others mistreating you and realize that your value and self worth comes from within, you would save yourself much unnecessary pain and hurt.

Why do people hurt me and lie to me?

Why would someone who shows remorse, and appears to feel sorry, continue to hurt you and lie to you again and again?

Why do people hurt me

When someone hurts you the feeling deep inside is gnawing. It it is if we must get revenge or the social currency must be restored to its normal position. We care deeply about what others think of us. When someone hurts us it’s hard not to feel like we have to force them to care about us more. If they cared, they would want to make it right! You are assuming that this someone is like you. This is an illogical and up hill battle.

Instead of wondering why people hurt us again and again, wouldn’t it make more sense to simply forge relationships with people make a caring effort naturally?

whydopeoplehurtme

We feel if this person doesn’t “prove that they love us” that they must not, or no longer do. In reality many people are in an incredibly sick and frazzled mental state. It seems only more and more common that people use constant distraction to cut themselves off from the world around them. Abusers have no idea they are abusers and they find themselves living in constant denial. People write checks they can’t cash and make promises they can’t keep. Abusers can tell themselves that their emotion gives them permission to treat others poorly or not do what they said they were going to do. They tell themselves all sorts of crazy things to protect their self confidence and make the world a much less painful place.

In the case of someone not doing what they said they were going to do, many procrastinators find themselves so lazy or depressed that it is near impossible to will themselves to move. They could think of doing these things for you!  They really like the idea of it, and want to want to do it, but find themselves incapable of doing anything but living in a cycle of procrastination.

They may think about doing what they promised to do, so much, that they already receive the satisfaction as if they had already done it for you in their heads! Talk about imaginative!

When they ultimately fail, as they have chosen comfort over integrity, they are presented with a problem. If this person cares about you, they will have a reaction of guilt which will also bring shame and anxiety. This is something that can put your relationship with them at a risk.

People may hurt you because they are procrastinating
What happens commonly, is this person will say to themselves, “I promise I will do it tomorrow” or “I’ll do better next time.” Then they quickly find a way to distract themselves and turn off their mind so they can escape the guilt that they are experiencing from not doing what they promised! This way they can re-suspend themselves in an alternate reality. This alternate reality could be drinking, thinking, friends, work or television.

There are many distractions available but more than likely the feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety will come out.

The feelings of anxiety, guilt and shame will also bubble out when you approach them about whatever it is they are avoiding, since they had been trying to hard to hide these feelings from themselves. They are fully convinced that they are going to make it up to you later. It is very easy for them to flip the tables and get angry at you, especially when you bother them consecutive times about how they haven’t kept their word!

How dare you point this out to them and reintroduce volatile emotions that they were trying so hard to hide! They then start to resent you for making them feel anxious, scared, shamed and guilted. They hate themselves and consequently hate you for “making” them hate themselves.

Seems your plan of getting some sympathy really backfired! As your entire intention of this was for you to get validation of your importance to them. You want to be liked, and valued. Now this person is doing what feels to be the opposite of liking you by actively resenting or hating you!

There is no question that the kind of person who would hurt you in this way would be an incredibly selfish person, and primarily be concerned with themselves. Even if they care a great deal about you in their inner world it is ultimately themselves they choose. Actions are the measure, actions are how you see true priorities.

Click the picture of the book for more information on escaping control and abuse.

If someone lies to you again and again it makes you feel terrible about yourself. The real reason that they hurt you and lie to you is because you allow them to. Read here about how to avoid this terrible trap of letting yourself get abused again and again, and set proper boundaries!

In the end people hurt you because they are underdeveloped, have bad mental programming, come from parents who hurt each other or any number of factors. We must accept that quite often these people will not get help until they are forced to. By allowing these negative forces to stay in your life you are enabling them to have valuable relationships without putting in the work of treating others how they deserve.

Live free, and be happy!

Do not allow these negative influences to run your life!

You do not need other peoples validation!

When you allow yourself to base your feeling of self worth on others validation you will find yourself having trouble coming up with the energy to make yourself worthy of the same validation you seek!

i-need-constant-validation-from-others

It is wonderful when someone compliments us and approves of us but when we find ourselves feeling bad unless we receive validation, it is time to admit we have a problem.

Being a victim to the need for validation leaves us exhausted. Needing validation is like riding a roller coaster, there are endless ups and downs and sometimes we feel like we are going to die!

When we feel appreciated and noticed, we are on top of the world! Then on the other side of this if someone looks at us in the wrong way we are hit with a spiral of overwhelming depression.

There is only one solution to this problem, which is… accept yourself for who you are! You must validate yourself by realizing what your own morals and values are and living by them. When you are doing what you feel is right you will feel good inside.

Remember, it is not up to you to make other people happy. It is your job to be a good and fair person and to treat others as you want to be treated. When you are living life in alignment with what someone else wants from you, it is you who ends up hurt.

If someone disapproves of your love interest, career, hobbies, spirituality, partner or anything else YOU know is right for YOU. It is up to you to live up to who you are as a person, and go ahead and do what you know is right anyways. Do not let others steer your destiny! This is what makes up life’s biggest regrets.

It is true some people may not like the real you. Hopefully they will accept you now that you have decided to show your true self. Expect them to be angry at first and give them time. People who try and control us do not like giving up that control! Often these people are insecure and scared and exist by making other people behave as they do or say so they can feel superior. Is this really something they should feel superior about? Crushing you to their will?

If they decide not to have you in their life because of your decision to be yourself, it is time you move on from them. This will make room for new people in your life who will lovingly accept you for who you are.

Is it true love if someone is loving the person you are pretending to be, and not who you really are? Of course not! They just want you to think it is! They are trying to make you behave by scaring you and threatening you. These are things they do because of their own insecure feelings and fears. Do not let them manipulate you! You have the power to be your true self!

It is time to rise up in your own personal and spiritual evolution.

I believe in you!

Five Affirmations to help you get over your broken heart

What do I do if I am broken hearted? Being broken hearted can be a really intense and overwhelming experience. It is at this time that we must remember we are lucky to be both alive and human.

broken-heart-left-me

It is only with great pain can we understand the importance of great pleasure. As with everything, we can perceive it as negative or instead see it for what it really is. You are really just opening a door to another beautiful chapter of your life. It doesn’t matter why things with your lover did not work out, it is now up to you to change your destiny. Things can be a both confusing and overwhelming as you go through a number of changes getting used to being without your loved one.

You may be thinking these things to yourself,

“Life is hopeless.”

“I can not live without him/her”

“No one else will ever love me like my boyfriend did”

“Without her life is meaningless”

“I need my wife to live”

“How will I make it on my own without my husband?”

“I can’t believe he/she left me.”

“Why would they leave me when I loved them so much?”

“It hurts so bad that things didn’t work out”

I have written these affirmations to help you on your healing journey.

First Affirmation to move on and heal a broken heart

“I have learned deeply from my last relationship. I am releasing (insert name here), to move on with their life. I do so with love, gracefulness and thankfulness for having the experience of enjoying them in my life for as long as I did. I realize that time is like an ocean and we will always share our moments together in the sea of our timeless universe. I enjoy everything I learned and as I move forward to spiritually evolve further and open even better opportunities and more love into my life than I could even imagine. ”

 

Second Affirmation to learn to love life after a breakup

“By shedding this relationship from my life I am opening myself up to both infinite growth and potential. I am beautiful and free. There is nothing that can stop me now. I am so relieved I now have the freedom of being concerned with my best interests and to follow my bliss to new and exciting chapters in my life. Each day is getting better and better!”

 

Third Affirmation to let go of guilt and shame of a failed relationship

“I feel no guilt or sadness but only joy. I deserve the happiness that I feel, and I am happy I deserve it. It feels so good to bathe in the warm and loving vibrations that I feel everywhere in the universe around me. I no longer feel the need to live my life for (insert name here). While I have learned much from (insert name here) I now move on my journey and leave any negativity, bad feelings, guilt or shame behind. I am now free to live on my own and allow my own evolved morals to guide me into all the right blissful situations and experiences that I deserve filled with both bounty and abundance.”

 

Fourth Affirmation to feel better after a breakup 

“While it may be my egos prerogative to make me feel both scared, alone and ashamed, I push away these lower emotions. I realize that I am a highly spiritually evolved being and that feelings of abandonment, shame, and lonesomeness are simply a defense mechanism, that I have long since outgrown. The reason I am no longer in this relationship is because things did not work between us. By moving on I am expressing my love for myself and my need for better things. I deserve better and more harmonious relationships and the universe will provide everything that I deserve, and more, at exactly the right time. I am incredibly blessed and lucky and choose to only see the positive in this situation. I am not influenced by the normal response of society and I refuse to be a victim. This is a positive opportunity and I am blessed.”

 

Fifth Affirmation to feel sexy and attractive after a bad breakup 

“Now that I am in a new chapter of my life I realize just how beautiful and attractive I am. My gifts and passions are rising up out of me now more than ever and I realize that I deserve to be loved fully. I feel love coming into my life from every direction and I love myself and every moment in a way that is deeply rewarding. I am excited to live my own unique and special life path full of love and joy and exciting new experiences. I release the past and invite in joy, bliss and new abundant loving relationships.”

Read these out loud twice a day and you will find yourself finding both more bliss and harmony within yourself.

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image1824567

We all know that it is very hard to lose a loved one, boyfriend or girlfriend at first. This is why you must take it into your own hands. It is only because society tells us we should be sad that when a relationship ends we feel so helpless. It is really a divine opportunity for life improvement.

It is up to you to embrace your destiny and really soothe your soul to make the best out of your life experience!

Get over your breakup now with these easy affirmations.