Category Archives: Self Sabotage

The Enneagram Prison Project

Meet the EPP Ambassadors | Enneagram Prison Project from Susan Olesek on Vimeo.

Helping inmates by teaching them how to heal their own hearts through the wisdom of the enneagram and learning about their own personalities and desires. This is a fantastic idea and I am really glad someone is reaching out to our prisoners to teach them about themselves and what really motivates them. I believe this is one of the only ways to truly heal.

The enneagram has helped me personally in endless ways when it comes to self understanding and being able to understand others. I can only imagine how different things would be if the enneagram was used for widespread prisoner reform!

Another brilliant idea is this link I found, Enneagram for the DSM.

Self-Talk and Negative Impacts

“Oh, why am I such a loser who can never get anything done? I can’t do anything at all… I’ve wasted my life just sitting here doing nothing, look at me, I will never amount to anything… I look horrible, and fat. Who would want this fat person, oh no, what am I…..”

Self-talk isn’t just something we do from time to time, the self-talk actually has a way of creating realities without you even knowing it. Once this reality is created it’s up to you to control the reality. This alternate reality can go two ways, positive, or negative. Telling yourself that you cannot accomplish a goal will really help you NOT accomplish a goal. You may tell yourself that you’re a loser with nothing to offer in life. Maybe tell yourself that you’re too fat and that you’ll never lose weight or look good to other people. Tell yourself that you’ll never do anything with your talents in life.

If you really keep telling yourself these things you will create an alternate reality of lies that you have told yourself over and over again. You and others will start to project your image as the loser, the fat person, and the talentless. Even though you’re absolutely wrong about the image you’ve created of yourself, you’ll believe these vicious lies and implement the thoughts in your head to stay.

When you think this way you will not have many opportunities in life to showcase your actual skill set and potential in day to day functions.

Crash and Burn

Your negative self-talk can be a kamikaze of negative impacts that will make you crash and burn at any moment. You will dwell on your negative feelings until you launch them into attack mode, the attack is towards a friend, family member, spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Basically anyone who you feel has “wrong done” or “suggested” that you may actually be good at something. You will target the comments and feelings you’ve lied to yourself about and attack the person with your convinced techniques. You actually believe you’re in full tune with your feelings, but in reality this is far from the truth, and will just end up causing hurt and pain to yourself and your peers.

The more and more you focus on your negative feelings and thoughts, the harder it will be to annihilate the issue because you won’t even think there’s a problem to begin with.

Talk Yourself Out Of Your Lies

If we could only switch the negative talk on and off like a light bulb we would, but it doesn’t work that way. It takes a plan of action and willpower to want to make change in yourself for the better. Here are a few cheat codes on thinking a little differently:

  • Remain Calm: You can’t hide from your negative thoughts forever, but you can identify and assess your situations. When you notice you start talking negatively to yourself and others, maybe try acting like you’re speaking with your boss on a job and remain calm. You wouldn’t talk to your boss negatively or with disrespect, would you?
  • Call Yourself Out: Call yourself out on your told lies. Ask yourself, “Is what I said really true?” or “There must be an alternative way to think about this situation?” You should always point out the obvious positives in each situation. If you missed out on passing your lesson, there are always lessons you’ve learned to implement for the future way of thinking and handling situations.

Positive Forward Thinking

We all need to admit that we are never completely out of harm’s way when it comes to negative self-talk. We will have great days, and we will always have those days where we want to harm ourselves with verbal abuse and pull out the old lie cards. When this happens remember to think positive, and look forward, not looking back on past statements or thoughts that you had towards yourself. Think to yourself “I am the most confident person in the world. I have the skills I need to accomplish anything I put my mind to. I am going to trust myself because I rule and would never lie to myself”. Maybe even write these things on a piece of paper and hang it somewhere viewable, and always remember that you are worth it, and you CAN do it!!


  1. You are amazing

  2. You are awesome

  3. Your value comes from within

  4. You deserve to be happy

  5. You have a purpose

  6. You know what that purpose is

  7. When you act as your authentic self you will BE HAPPY!

  8. Every second of this life counts

  9. Stop right now and be thankful for your life; FEEL IT

  10. Now show yourself that you care and give yourself a hug

If there is anyone else in the world who deserves it, why wouldn’t you?

>>> HUG <<<

Are you self sabotaging yourself? Stop making excuses.

It’s really easy to defer our problems onto others. Sometimes it really does seem like our problems are someone else’s fault. Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me.

I am writing this post because of a friend of mine. He is extremely bright, intellectual and sensitive. He is a joy to talk to until you start speaking about accomplishments or aspirations. He feels like he is constantly getting the short end of the stick. He recently ended up in a situation where his father had said he was paying his insurance but refused to send him any sort of confirmations or paperwork. His father is not a dependable man and had fallen short in the past, making promises that he didn’t keep and failing to be dependable. He also suspected that his parents try and sabotage him to keep him on their level. Yet, with this in mind he still trusted his father with something as important as his insurance.

Self sabotage is ruining my life

Invariably my friend ended up in legal trouble. He was pulled over by the cops and could not provide proof of insurance. He was uninsured for three months! When I asked him if he felt he had any responsibility in this, he deferred all responsibility to his fathers carelessness claiming that he didn’t know he did not have insurance!

I asked him if he had proof of insurance, he said no.

Clearly my friend had decided to avoid the situation with his insurance. He knew that it may be an issue, but because my friend was more concerned with who would get blamed when things went wrong instead of the actual threat of legal trouble, he decided to live in ignorance. When the legal trouble and large bills that he could clearly not afford loomed over his head he simply felt bad for himself.

This kind of avoidant behavior carried over into other areas of his life as well. He lost his job, and was feeling pretty down about it. I had spent all sorts of time with him letting him know how he can start his own business. I gave him ideas and resources and showed him how everything he was doing for his boss he could do to make himself money, easily. Every time I asked him about his progress he made excuses. He blamed legal reasons, his ex boss, and anything else he could think of. He told me he couldn’t do what he planned to do so he had given up. I asked him if he had considered doing something else instead. He was at a loss for words.

This is classic self sabotage!

Update: My friend sent me a message letting me know, his life had totally been changed. He said something along the lines of, I have a better paying job now, and I’m doing better than ever. I am happy and I have a future I never thought possible because of you telling me things I didn’t want to hear. Thank you, things are only getting better!

When we make excuses for ourselves and feel like victims it is impossible to take control and live an empowered life. If we refuse to take a good hard look at ourselves because we are too busy pushing our problems into others, we will find that is impossible to cultivate success. Success will be born out of self confidence and self responsibility. If we deny our problems we have no power in repairing them!

Embrace control over your future. You are the only one who decides your destiny.

Take a critical look at your life, could you too be self sabotaging?

Why we need Affirmations to boost our Self Confidence

It is important to really focus on your self confidence. It seems it is normal in western culture to constantly beat yourself up and to call yourself so many mean names in your head. Just look inside your self and ask yourself if any of your self talk is negative. Get a marker and keep it on your person. For 30 minutes write a little line on your wrist each time you say a negative thought in your head. Chances are you are going to have trouble keeping up!

All this negativity is taken very seriously by your mind. Even if you are just being tongue in cheek, your brain can’t tell the difference. You are building very bad and influential neural paths that are going to dictate how you feel on a regular basis. This is a form of self disabling. By constantly worrying and insulting yourself internally you are basically begging yourself to be depressed and lacking in self confidence!

Sometimes we like to abuse ourselves because someone else did this to us earlier in life. This can all get started really quickly. Check out how something like this can snowball.

Little Sally is in the 3rd grade.

1. Little Sally asks the teacher a question. The teacher yells at Sally for asking a stupid question. Sally is sent to the hall. Sally doesn’t understand why her question was stupid, all she knows is that she gets yelled at which draws very bad attention to her. The other children start calling Sally stupid and making fun of her.

2. Later in class Sally wants to ask the teacher a question. Sally wants to put up her hand. Sally remembers the incident and instantly seems ashamed. Sally thinks to herself, “I’m so stupid, everyone laughs at me because I’m so dumb.” Sally feels bad about it, “If only I wasn’t so dumb people would like me. Christina doesn’t get laughed at when she asks questions. I am worthless compared to her.”

Now there are many scenarios here and people come up with many crazy solutions. People go through life thinking all sorts of incorrect things about themselves. That is why we must undo all this damage. People lash out on each other for all sorts of reasons! Sometimes they are just having a bad day. It is a shame that someones bad day can cause years of trauma for another person. It is true we are usually hardest on ourselves!

3. Years later Sally is in a meeting and she has a question to ask. Sally doesn’t ask it.

What affirmations do is help us understand the truth about ourselves. We are only as capable as what we believe we are. If you tell yourself that you are clumsy, you will not be surprised when you are running into walls. If you tell yourself that you have incredible balance, you will act as if you have it and ultimately develop it.

Affirmations to change your life

You can not do what you do not attempt to do!

You can not improve yourself unless you are willing to take the first steps. The important steps in all areas of life need to be supported by action. Without the confidence to take action we will sit idly by!

This cycle can be slowed down and eventually stopped by growing your self esteem and confidence by using affirmations to build and design your life.

Check out Five Affirmations for Self Confidence and get started TODAY!

It is never to late to give yourself the life you deserve.